september 26th
got my baby back. thats all that matters. i feel so much
love and space in my heart.

september 22nd
i didn't do much today. i've started making new friends
but im feeling so self destructive. everything inside me fights
and claws not to blow everything up and see what happens. i
miss justin. last night was disappointing. i want people to really
like me.

september 10th
time is going so fast. so much has happened. met my soul
mate, fucked it up, fucked more things up, you know me. im
not happy but im not doing bad. writing again makes me happy.
i cant wait for my birthday. just two more months.

september 5th
something did blow up. now im pretty sad. but again, i feel
strong enough to bare it. it hurt for a few days but i
already feel myself healing. i met some nice people again.
now im eating mozzarella sticks.

its too hot for fucking september.

september 3rd
things have been OK. not great but im happy. i feel something
coming. i just know something is about to blow up in my face.
but for some reason, i feel strong enough to bare it.

im going to get out of this town soon. then i will truly
be ME. i can't wait for december.

august 17th
meeting my soulmate tomorrow. hes going to make me steak
and we're going to smoke weed. i haven't felt this in love
since i was 14. i went thrifting yesterday. it was fun. i want
to be free and careless again. waiting for mine to call.

i feel dirty, but in a good way. happy happy feelings!

august 6th
life was simple in feburary. i lived somewhere else and
we would wake up at midday and fuck for an hour then go
to an arcade and order pizza and watch a movie. i was really
happy but sad at the same time. it was nice.

august 5th
i got really scared today about death and how it all ends
but then i remembered the earths energies will align and
i will be back.

there is an exit here.

july 24th
last night was fun. i slept all day again. everything will
be okay. i miss october.

july 22nd
im always so dizzy. it went away for a couple days but now
its back. why me? why am i doing so bad? im so tired of this.
i want to be normal again. this is all your fault.

july 18th
its so cold tonight. slept all day again. wish it was easier
to sleep at night. didn't do much today. had some cigs and laid
in bed to nap. i want to go thrifting again.

july 16th
today was miserable. i woke up with my heart pounding and
couldn't get back to sleep. i slept all day. i only got two hours of
sleep last night. i feel OK. well, as OK as i can feel right now.
im going to go play resident evil.

july 15th
i woke up late today. its been OK so far. i got no side effects
from upping my meds. thats good. played resident evil last night.
that was fun.

july 14th
went to the doctors today. so anxious. still no valium. seems
like a no-go. i didn't sleep all night then passed out in the
afternoon for a couple hours. i want to dissociate.

i moved up dosage on my meds. i hope i'll see some
difference. july sucks. get me out of winter already.

july 13th
im so unbelievably tired. waking up makes me so sad. i
was getting better but now im back to square one. im so
mad at myself, and upset, i know its all in my head but
i still cant stop it.

maybe i need to let jesus into my heart again.

i wonder what p* is doing right now. is he still hanging
around? i miss him. i miss everyone so much.

doctors tommorrow. hopefully i can up my prozac. i love
t* so much but i know i shouldn't. i've never split on him, because
i care about him so much. that makes him special.

july 1st
i don't remember my dream. i wanted to quit smoking today
but got stressed out. it helps for a little while.

my tooth still hurts. therapy on wednesday. i wanna get back
into fallout again. i miss it. i miss p* a lot. feel 14 again. i
miss them so much it makes me sick.

nothing here yet

nothing here yet